If you could only choose three people to surround yourself with, who would they be? What would be their characteristics, disciplines, and strengths? For me, that would be people like Bill Gates, Tyler Perry, Martin Luther King Jr., Madam C.J. Walker, or Oprah Winfrey. Not merely because they are rich and uberly famous. Nope, I would want to be exposed to the way they think, what drives them, how they overcome adversity, what disciplines contribute to their success, and more. My mentor John Garcia once told me,“the greatest type of wealth is relational wealth.” Relational wealth is what we have access to, both tangible and intangible, through those we do life with. Think about it. Do you find yourself thinking back on wise statements shared when you were growing up? How about certain habits and disciplines that you live your life by? Where did those come from? In most of our cases who we are, how we think, and how we live is shaped by our most important and influential relationships. 

Jim Rohn famously said, “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” What does that quote mean to you in the context of this blog? I interpret it to mean that who I spend the most time with yields the most influence in my life, so I shouldn’t take this decision lightly. If we don’t recognize the power of influence then we will have to live with the negative results of it. I know that might seem a little harsh but let’s think about it. Have you ever experienced a bad outcome from an indirect action? Many people have gotten arrested, lost jobs, made poor choices, been hurt, or worse, due to something or someone who they associated with. I have discovered that we are prone to feed off of the energy of the people around us by nature. This applies to every aspect of our lives. 

As authors, it is essential to create a healthy and inspiring community to create. I like to think of relationships as an ingredient that nurtures the quality of what we create. If you want to write good content, surround yourself with people who promote, support, and inspire you. This is not to say you have to kick your current circle to the curb if they are not measuring up. No way! You will discover that we all have many mini-communities of relationships that serve different purposes. Maybe this is an opportunity to expand your relational net worth and build new connections that support your growth and development as an author. 

In my experience, I have found three types of people you should surround yourself with that can exert the potential to change your way of thinking through indirect influence.

1. People Who Challenge You:

Those that challenge you tend to see greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself. If you can find a smart person to argue with, keep them around. Contention is the result of approaching the conversation with pride and arrogance. Humility will enable you to see not who’s right or wrong but what you can learn. There are endless possibilities for what you can gain from someone who challenges you. Surrounding yourself with someone who knows just as much as you do and only shares the beliefs that you share will teach you nothing. Contrary to what most believe, criticism is our friend, a building block if you will. Being faced with opposition coerces us into taking action and problem-solving. It pressurizes us out of our comfort zone and into discovering the best parts of ourselves and our capabilities. Neighboring yourself with those that challenge you will heighten your standards and focus, as well as provide you with a winning mindset that will breed success. These particular individuals are the type of people that keep our character clean by not only pushing us but by holding us accountable.

2. People Who Are Motivating: 

Ahhh, the real meat and potatoes of people to surround yourself with. Those that go through everyday life make the conscious decision to overcome adversity and always find a way. They know where they’re going and how they will get there. Regularly exposing yourself to those with this mindset has the potential to impact your way of thinking and doing. This will trickle down into your everyday life, making it much easier to stay focused on your end goal. Seeing others dreaming and doing serves as a positive influence, which will yield perspective, wisdom, inspiration, and success when applied to everything you do.

3. People Who Are Inspiring:

Have you ever been around someone whose presence alone has the potential to make you feel better? The kind of person that can wipe away a bad day with just the sound of their laughter? Associating yourself with those who procreate inspiration stimulates you to rewire your brain to recognize and seize the opportunity, a great example of resilience. Optimism and positive outlooks are contagious and promote increased energy, better health, a greater chance at success, and an overall happier life. Simply put, you should surround yourself with those who are inspired so you can inspire others. 

We should look deeper at those closest to us as we let go of relationships holding us back. Tanner Colby said, “You are the sum total of the people you meet and interact with in the world. Whether it’s your family, peers, or co-workers, the opportunities you have and the things that you learn all come through doors that other people open for you.” I said that to say this; the influence of others is often overlooked. Rid yourself of those that are stagnant in life, and embrace the change that comes with growing as a person. When you control your environment, you control your life. Every relationship you surround yourself with should push you to be the best version of yourself. Follow your dreams, but engage with those that push you to pursue them.